I’ve written about the conversion of my albums to MP3s before, but its OK this is not going to be another of those posts. I have just finished converting my R.E.M albums and, whilst listening to Fables of the Reconstruction as I converted it, was reminded of the great song titles on the album. As well as the heading for this piece there is ‘Cant Get There From Here‘, ‘Maps And Legends‘, ‘Life And How To Live It‘ and ‘Good Advices‘.
I wonder if there is a Masters Thesis in the number of marriages saved by the rise of the plastic toothpaste tube and the decline of the aluminium one? For some reason in the 70s and 80s it was regularly said that people in relationships were always arguing about where a person squeezed a toothpaste tube. Unless they both squeezed it in the same place I guess. The point was that a toothpaste tube squeezed in the middle from the beginning is supposed to be more wasteful, as, if you start at the end and squeeze towards the top it was supposed to get more of the toothpaste out of the tube. If you try to maximise the amount of toothpaste got out of the tube when it had been squeezed from the middle it had to be rolled from the end and it then cracked, leading to toothpaste coming out of all parts of the tube except the nozzle; making a mess as well as wasting the toothpaste. How much simpler things are now eh?
Except, except, except…… My shaving gel comes in a pack where the end that you squeeze is thinner and it gets wider at the end the gel exits the tube. It is designed with the part of the tube the gel exits from at the bottom. So gravity helps the gel down the tube and the design at the end means when you can no longer get anything out, it is empty. This is so much better than the packaging used by, for example, some lying Jew hating soap producers. When you can no longer get anything out there is still quite a lot in the bottom of the container, no matter how hard you squeeze or shake it there is always quite a bit left when you come to throw it out. I have taken to leaving it, and things in similar container like washing-up liquid, upside-down so that, when I came to use it, what remained was by the exit and came out easily without too much squeezing or shaking. I know my doing this is thought of as an eccentricity and is tolerated as such.
Is there another possible problem on the horizon? Could the way the new plastic tube is stored be the new ‘squeezed end or middle’ problem? When stored in a glass, to rinse the mouth with after, does the way the tube is put in the glass make a difference? Might it lead to all sorts of marital disharmony?
To explain. In good times, when the tube is full, it poses no problem. But, as the tube empties, and it gets more difficult to get the toothpaste out, storing it the way pictured means that gravity will move all the remaining paste to the bottom. Making getting anything to clean your teeth with long-winded and difficult. Whereas, if the tube was left with the large end and the exit at the bottom, gravity would make sure that when you came to squeeze it there was enough toothpaste to put on your toothbrush without taking a lot of time and effort. As I asked before, is this the new ‘squeezed middle/bottom’ marriage destroyer? Is this more important now that families are under more pressure because of the decline in living standards and well-being since the election of the coalition?
Frankly, surely, I think we are all much too grown up to get hung up on a toothpaste tube. We, well most of us eh,(No name no pack drill but lets just say, Reading and Labour) have moved on since the 1970’s. There are more important things than toothpaste and if it is a problem people will sort it out by talking about it won’t they?